How is it possible that it is almost one month since I last posted on here?  How is it possible that it is February 16 already?  Since my last post, we celebrated our daughter's first birthday.  More on that a little later.  That was quite a milestone, and so that deserves its own post.  We are almost two months in to 2016, and so now seems like a good idea to reflect on how I am doing with my New Year mantra:  Release, Create, Be Curious.

Release.  I am still releasing what I do not need.  This is a work in progress, and I may not release everything I need to this year. But I am trying.  I started out purging a lot of things I do not need, but I have since stalled.  Purging takes time, and time is not something I have a lot of these days.  Mentally, I also need to do better.  I still get upset about silly things, and I hold on to anger when I should really let it go.  I need to make time to meditate and to clear this mental clutter, but right now I am barely finding time to read for pleasure, and I am not finding time to write.  I need more hours in my day.  I need to make more hours in my day.

Create.   To create, I need time and mental energy.  I have not had either of these lately.  The answer?  Rise early.  Meditate. Create.  In order to rise early, I need to go to bed early.  In order to go to bed early, I need to get my work done.  In order to get my work done, I need to be productive during the day.  In order to be productive, I need time to do things.  In order to have time, I need to be organized.  It all comes back to organization and time management.  Organization is hard for me.  And in the midst of all this, I want to have fun and be curious.  Is it possible to still be curious about life while also trying to manage your day into organized blocks of time?  Or will this attempt at time management block the possibility of beautiful wonder entering my life? "We tend to make the thing in the way," Mark Nepo wrote in The Book of Awakening.  I make a lot of things that are in my way.  I wish I would stop creating barriers and instead create things that open my heart and bring me joy.  I am working on it.

Be curious.  And how am I doing with my year of curiosity?  Well, I am trying to remember to be curious.  Stop knowing.  Stop trying to guess what will happen and how it will all play out.  Stop scripting out how I think things are likely to go.  What a waste of time and energy (and time and energy is what I desperately need the most right now).  "Playing out" the possibilities of the future is not only a waste of time and energy, but it is also sucking out my desire to create because I am "creating" these scenarios that may or may not happen in the future.  Trying to predict the future is like trying to catch sand in your hands.  The more you try to grasp it, the more you lose.  Let the sand be where it is.  Put your blanket down and rest on it.  The sand will hold your body, but your body can't hold the sand.  I'm not really sure what I wrote there.  Does that make sense to anyone else?  Because it makes complete sense to me.  I didn't plan to write this, it just came to me, but I kind of like it (I think).  Is sand a metaphor for life?  Maybe.  I am going to take another piece of wisdom from Dr. Nepo and "be easily pleased."  I will just be happy that I created that sentence.  It's okay if it isn't a great sentence or if others think it's stupid.  I am pleased.  There.  I just created something.  And I was just easily pleased.  Boom.  Yay me.

In one of my favorite books, The Untethered Soul, Michael A. Singer says something simple, but powerful.  This isn't a direct quote (at least I don't think it is; I've read this book so many times it is possible that I memorized this passage), but here is the gist (I think):

Worrying about the future is like worrying whether the sun is going to rise in the morning.  You can worry all you want, but the sun will come up.  Life is going to keep on happening, and your thoughts have very little impact on the world.

This is reassuring and discouraging all at once.  If this is true, then we should all just stop worrying about everything because what is going to happen is going to happen with or without us.  On the other hand, what about the power of positive thinking?  I always was a believer in positive energy.  I also worry that this thinking can prevent people from doing good things.  Most good deeds are the result of genuine human concern.  If I am concerned, I want to do something to make a difference.  Is concern and worry the same thing?  Does positive thinking and hope have little impact on the world?  Does it actually have little impact on me?

I am going to cherry pick right now.  I am going to say that worrying is a waste, but concern is good.  Concern is being aware, and awareness (as Dr. Singer suggests) is key for achieving enlightenment.  I can't worry about what will be or not be, but I can be concerned, and I can use this concern to do good things.  These things may not change the world, but they make even the smallest difference in someone's day...maybe even in my day.  My thoughts may not impact the world, but my positive thinking may change my mood and attitude, which may affect someone else's mood and attitude.  My positive thinking might even replace some of the worry and negativity that existed before.  Wishful thinking?  Maybe.  But why not?  Dr. Singer didn't say anything about wishing be bad.  Or is wishing the positive version of worrying?  Okay, my mind is spinning.  Keeping things simple is another one of my unofficial New Year's Resolutions, which I am failing miserably at following right now.

Okay, for the sake of simplicity, here it is:

Wishing and positive thinking are connected to hope.  The archaic definition of hope is trust, which means the belief that something or someone is good.  I believe in the good in this world.  When my thoughts carry me away, which they inevitably will, I will do my best to think about all that is good.  Although our thoughts may have very little impact on this world, our awareness and positive thinking may just motivate us to take action, and our actions can create all the difference in this world.

Double BOOM.

Once again, this post took a completely different direction, but here it is.  I released some things that were in my head that I needed to say.  I created some sentences that are meaningful to me.  I allowed myself to be curious about my writing and let my writing develop as my heart spoke.  I am going to allow myself to be easily pleased with myself and to not be overly critical about what is here.  I will not spend hours editing and revising.  I will simply hit the publish button.