So, I have been trying to turn over a new leaf.  That is, after all, the motivation behind my New Year Mantra.  I purposely created a mantra that is a bit open-ended rather than giving me specific concrete steps of action.  This goes against the thinking that goals really only work when they are measurable, but my mantra is not really a goal.  Rather, it is meant to be a way to live.  It also gives me some flexibility, so that I can tackle different things when it feels right to do so rather than being forced to "exercise for 30 minutes" or "go to bed by 10" every single day.  If there is one thing I learned about myself, trying to do the exact same thing every single day often stresses me out.  Routines are great, but I am not good at keeping precise schedules.  This has made life with a baby interesting.

That being said, I LOVE lists.  Over the course of the last month, I have made several lists.  This is weird, right?  I mean, it is really weird for someone who is so unorganized.  But as I have already established, I am probably the strangest Type A personality that you will ever meet.  I'm not your average A.  My goodness.  Maybe that should be the name of this blog.  I am going to write that down in my idea journal.  Actually, I don't really have an idea journal.  Not yet, anyway.  But I did come up with the idea to create an idea journal, and if I had that journal, I would write both of these ideas in it.   

Back to my lists.  I created a list of my work tasks that I need to tackle each week.  I started strong with this the first couple weeks in January, and then I lost my motivation.  But now I am back at it.  I find that having that list in front of me helps me get started on things.  Too often, when I have a short amount of time free, I can't seem to wrap my head around what I should be doing.  This list prompts me.  Plus it feels damn good when I cross something off of it.  The challenge is not to overreach because it is extremely frustrating to see a lot of tasks that are not crossed off yet.  To allow for some leeway, I think it's okay for a few items to be pushed back to a second week as long as the majority of the items are completed.  But if I have more than three items that are repeats or if the items are still there after a second week, it's time for me to reevaluate what I am doing.  So far, I have had to reevaluate quite a bit.  

Another list that I created was my "nagging list."  I got this idea from The Happiness Project.  This list became overwhelmingly long.  The number of tasks that I have been putting off is rather embarrassing.  It's funny how a simple task can become so dreaded simply because you have been putting it off.  For me, part of the problem is that when I delay doing something so basic, I have to deal with the guilt of not having done it yet.  Apparently, I would rather push the guilt away and delay a task even longer (which ends up resurfacing with ongoing pangs of guilt every time I remember the task) instead of just dealing with the guilt for the amount of time it takes for me to get the task done (which is usually not very long).  Yes, I would rather let myself suffer with the ongoing pangs of guilt that pop up all the time rather than face the guilt head on for a period of time and then get that amazing feeling of accomplishment once I get to cross it off my list.  This is pretty messed up.  But it's true.  From thank you notes to Christmas cards to birthday gifts - I am terrible with all of these things.  As for my nagging short list, I took care of some of the tasks, but I am still working on many.  And by "working on" I actually mean I am still putting them off.  I am the Queen of Procrastination.  To help me, I decided to make a "My Nagging Short List," which includes no more than 10 items.  Once those are crossed off, then I will revisit my long list. 

I also created a "To Do" list to help me get ready in the mornings.  I found that getting myself ready for work and my little one ready for daycare to be more challenging than I ever expected.  As I pack, I have 6 bags plus a 20lb baby to carry.  "Six bags, really?" you ask.  Yup.  Here they are:

1. My work bag

2. My pumping bag

3. My lunch bag

4. My freezer bag for milk and baby's lunch and snack

5. My diaper bag

6. My daycare supply bag

Can I combine some of these? Probably.  But I am not organized enough for that. Right now, each bag is full, and I can't imagine not packing every single thing that is in those bags.

Throw in winter coats, hats, boots, and mittens (if I remember them, that is), and we have our very own version of Nightmare on Elm Street every morning.  Minus the knives, blood, and killing.  Okay, that was a really bad metaphor.  Let's just say the mornings include me running around like a mad person, cursing my husband under my breath about how he does nothing to help me, and despite every effort, we are still about 20 minutes late.  By the time I get everything and us in the car, I am ready to call it a day, and we haven't even gone anywhere yet.
 

For this week, I have created a super short list to try to motivate myself back into good habits:

1. Get up early.

2. Go to one yoga class.

3. Read and write something every day.

4. Cross something off of my Nagging To Do Short List.

I did get up early (between 5:45 and 6:15) every day except for today and yesterday (Friday and Saturday).  I feel a little irked with myself about that.  I have a lot to do today, but I need to let that go and move on (letting go and moving on are two things that are REALLY hard for me to do.)  I did read and write something every day - even if it was just a little bit.  So, I should feel good about that.  I did cross one thing off of my Nagging Short List.  One thing is good, but I need to do better because there are nine things left, and that is just my short list.

So, what about yoga?  Oh, yoga.  How I miss you.  I have been wanting to get myself back to my yoga studio, but the thought of adding another bag to that list above so that I can shower and change for work is way too overwhelming.  I live too far away to go back home in between yoga and work.  I realized yesterday that the only way I am going to make it to the studio is if I get myself up for a 6am class during the week or to get myself up for a morning class on the weekend.  I have been enjoying our family weekend mornings, so this has not been an appealing option, but I think I need to just make myself do this.  I was going to try to go to a 6am class yesterday, but I was tired.  And cold.  The thought of crawling out from my warm and snugly bed was too much to bear.  So, I went back to sleep instead.  Today, I thought I would go to the 8:30am class, but again, I couldn't drag myself out of bed.  Confession:  I didn't even set my alarm.  I was so tired and grouchy last night, that I thought it was best to just let myself wake up - or let my daughter wake me up - when it was time.  The idea of the drive alone was exhausting.  Note to self:  we need to buy a house that is no more than 10 minutes from my yoga studio.  Maybe next week, yoga.

As for my work list, I crossed off 4 1/2 out of the 10 things on my list.  I REALLY need to reevaluate myself here.  In my defense, I attended meetings and volunteered for tasks that I don't normally have - so I actually did get more done than I intended.  So, I am going to cut myself a little break here.  I should actually hurry up and add those things to my list, just so I can cross them off.  Come on, like you've never done that before.  Anyone who has ever made a To Do List has totally done that at some point.

Okay, so the old me would hit the save button and then revisit this post in about a week.  The new me is going to do a quick read and publish and move on.  I have already hit save twice (I started this post earlier this week), and it is time to put this baby to bed.  I know people put books to bed...can we put blogs to bed too?  Well, guess what?  I just did.